Jerry & Jeanine Kelso - a love story

When I contacted Jeanine Kelso to ask if she and her husband Jerry would share their story, she immediately said yes, but added that their story might not have a happy ending. Maybe, at least not in the traditional sense, but nevertheless, theirs is a powerful love story just the same.

The year 2008 was one of endings and beginnings for them. Jeanine’s husband of 28 years died in March; Jerry’s wife of 54 years died in May. After some months, both decided to reach out for companionship. In what a friend of mine calls “God-incidences,” both Jerry and Jeanine posted their profiles on the dating site, eharmony.com. Jerry’s profile included a photo of him sitting on a boat, wearing a swimsuit, arms spread out in a relaxed pose, not worrying about the wrinkles, sags, and what have you.

Jeanine’s take on that photo? “I thought to myself, now there’s a man that’s comfortable in his skin,” she said. Jerry contacted eHarmony to arrange a phone conversation between him and Jeanine. “I told him that family, friends and faith were important to me, and that I was looking for companionship,” Jeanine said.

The couple agreed to meet for dinner and conversation at an Italian restaurant in North Kansas City. “October 10,” Jerry said, not having to think twice about the date of that dinner. “I said, ‘I haven’t been on a date in 54 years. What do you do on a date?’”

Apparently, it came back to him. “We met at Cascone’s, and closed the place down,” Jeanine said. “We were the last ones to leave.”

They continued to see each other and had numerous phone conversations. Jeanine said she skipped her annual Florida winter vacation that year because she figured that while she was gone someone else could come along and snap Jerry right up, and she wasn't willing to take that chance. Eight months after meeting, they got married. “At our age,” Jeanine said, “why wait?”

They made their home in Johnson County, Kansas, and Jeanine left behind Catholicism to become Lutheran. “We thought it was important to go to the same church,” she said, noting that becoming Lutheran was a lot less involved for her than becoming Catholic would have been for Jerry. Jerry asked a business friend, Jim Heley, where he went to church. “Jim said he went to Holy Cross Lutheran, and to come check it out,” Jerry said. They knew right away it was the best fit for them.

They jumped right in, helping as greeters, ushers, visiting people in nursing homes, mailing out postcards for Sunday School kids, participating in fellowship groups. Jerry, an actor with the Senior Barn Players, even brought the troupe to Holy Cross once for a performance.

All was well until August, 2012, when Jerry was dancing at a granddaughter’s wedding and moved wrong, injuring his back. He went to a chiropractor, but the pain continued. After months of not getting better, Jeanine finally convinced him to go to a doctor and get some tests done. One doctor thought that Jerry had a compression fracture, and began to treat it with a bone cement. Then, on October 7, 2013, the results of Jerry’s MRI and CAT scan came back, and that’s when he first heard the words, Renal Cancer. Jerry not only had cancer in his kidney, but in his spine too.

With that diagnosis came phrases like Stage IV, no cure, no remission, two-year life expectancy. And that’s when Jerry and Jeanine’s love story took a turn – a turn that has made them both stronger, a turn that has deepened their love for each other.

Their days are measured in terms of pain medication, chemotherapy, radiation. They visit the oncologist every two weeks, and are praying that the next bone scan on March 2 brings some good news. They have to be mindful of germs, and how even a paper cut can bring the risk of infection. Jerry, who used to carry four bags of groceries at once, now must watch his wife do all the lifting because he can’t afford the risk of a broken bone. But those are the negatives, and worrying about the what-ifs of tomorrow only results in stealing the life from today.

Jeanine & Jerry Kelso

Consider the men from Holy Cross who sit with Jerry once a week so Jeanine can continue on her bowling league, the meals that Holy Cross folk deliver to them regularly, the Holy Cross caring team who bring them communion and pray with them, the Holy Cross youth who made Jerry a green and gold afghan, Holy Cross mission partner Marlene Markowicz who shared a prayer with Jeanine that she now prays at least three times each day. Witness the devotion Jeanine displays by making sure Jerry eats healthy, by taking short naps with him, by getting him a special back cushion and a heated blanket, by talking with the doctor and pharmacist about assistance to help pay the monthly $6,500 cost of chemo drugs, by ministering to him with a constant compassion. Then see Jerry himself – rarely complaining about the intense pain, cracking jokes, entertaining visitors, smiling and upbeat. He even writes thank you notes for the meals provided the very day they are eaten. If these two people feel sorry for themselves amidst this illness, you would never know it.

“We can’t worry,” Jeanine said. “It’s not going to solve anything. It’s not healthy. We have our faith and our love and we live life to the fullest. One day at a time. Faith allows things to happen. It is the power that comes from fearless heart. And when a fearless heart believes, then miracles can happen.”

And that, my friends, is a love story.