Mark and Marlene Markowicz - Creating Memories

When you get married in your early 20s, reciting the vows “in sickness and in health” doesn’t mean a whole lot. You spend your days working, raising your two sons, and going to the lake, and life just sails on. So it was for Mark and Marlene Markowicz, until the day Marlene said she really wasn’t feeling very well at all.

It was a November day, in 2012, when Marlene told her husband that she felt sick, like she was having a heart attack. She thought that if she still felt that way the next day, she would go to the doctor. No, Mark told her, you’re going to the doctor right now.

Marlene Markowicz

“There’s a space between your lung and rib cage called the pleura,” Mark said. “Marlene had two liters of fluid that had to be drained.”

That’s a lot of fluid, but when you’re just two people who haven’t had any noticeable health problems, you’re not necessarily aware that it might have significance. Marlene was sent home with the advice to go to the nearest hospital if she began feeling poorly again. So she and Mark went to Table Rock Lake as planned. “Marlene didn’t say anything,” Mark said, “but I could see she was having trouble. So we came back and went to the hospital.”

Tests showed that there was more fluid buildup that would need to be removed. While they were at the hospital, Mark said, the lung doctor who had seen Marlene a few days prior was doing her rounds. “When she saw us,” he said, “she came in and said, ‘I have some bad news.’” The doctor had ordered an analysis of the first fluid that was removed. “‘She said, “There are some cancer cells in the fluid. You need to see an oncologist.’”

Before then, they had supposed Marlene had a cold or some simple virus. They were surprised to hear the word ‘cancer.’ A visit to the oncologist brought even more shocking news. “They concluded that she was in Stage IV lung cancer,” Mark said.

Stage IV is a devastating diagnosis. According to the Mayo Clinic, such a diagnosis means that cancer has spread beyond the affected lung to the other lung or to distant areas of the body. “The doctor said ‘I cannot tell you what will happen to you,’” Mark said, “but statistically speaking, someone with that diagnosis, those symptoms, means 12 months.”

Marlene immediately started on a chemotherapy plan, Mark said. But after several months, tests showed the treatment wasn’t working, so she started on a different drug. Eventually, that drug stopped the growth of the cancer.

In May, 2013, Mark and Marlene took a trip to Florida, Louisiana and Texas to visit family and friends. “Her attitude was great,” Mark said. “She was getting her hair back. She was more motivated. She went 15 to 16 months with no symptoms.”

But in September, 2014, the cancer was growing again, so Marlene had to begin another round of chemotherapy. “Three or four days after the treatment,” Mark said, “she was physically sick. The toll it took, she could barely get out of bed.”

(from left) Jason, Mark, Marlene and Eric Markowicz

Marlene was scheduled to take a total of six treatments, one every three weeks. During this time, Mark tried to keep her comfortable, but mostly he watched her suffer. “I finally said, Marlene, in a 30-day period, you’re sick 25 days. Is that worth it?” But Marlene had a goal to stay alive: both their sons were planning their weddings. She was also taking care of her mother, who was in a nursing home.

Their youngest son, Eric, and his fiancée, Erin, were getting married in December, 2014. With the doctor’s consent, Marlene held off taking that month’s treatment until the day before the wedding so that she would feel okay. The wedding was at Pilgrim Chapel in Kansas City, and Marlene held her own. But a week later, Marlene, who had been mobile, couldn’t walk. With no warning or explanation, her legs quit working. “We didn’t have equipment or guidance to know what to do,” Mark said. “We got a walker, we eventually figured it all out. But obviously, this was not good at all.”

After running tests, the doctors couldn’t find a reason for her sudden lack of mobility. Finally, Mark took her to the hospital on December 29. Unfortunately, there was a flu epidemic at that time, and Marlene sort of fell through the cracks while the harried emergency room staff attended to all the sick people. So they went back home, only to return on January 2. By then, the flu epidemic had somewhat subsided, and finally Marlene got to see a neurologist who performed a spinal tap.

The news wasn’t good. “We got the results on January 6,” Mark said. “The cancer had moved into her spine and was working on the nerves. That’s why she couldn’t walk.” Marlene went under hospice care the next day, since the prognosis was about a month to live.

Their oldest son, Jason, knew he wanted to get married while his mother was alive. “You know how long it takes to plan weddings,” Mark said. “Eric and Erin got this planned in 24 hours.” Since Mark and Marlene were Holy Cross mission partners, they called the church and Pastor Mike Peck agreed to officiate. Erin and Kimberli, Jason’s fiancée, got Marlene all dressed up, and did her hair and makeup. Marlene’s best friend from high school, Jana, flew in unannounced and was able to join them. “The ceremony was in the living room,” Mark said. “The procession was coming down the stairs.” They even had a catered meal. “I could tell Marlene was a little emotional about it,” Mark said.

(From left:) Kim, Jason, Marlene and Rini

During the next weeks, Kansas City Hospice helped a lot. “They were honest with any question I had,” Mark said. “They didn’t pull any punches. When I asked, they said you have about two weeks.” 

Mark said he wrote down the goals and observations for each day – pain, medication, food, whether the nurse was coming, when to change the sheets. “You kind of enter a zone where you almost go into slow motion,” he said, “at least that’s what I did. I was able to process it a little more calmly. What do I need to do? Who do I reach out to? Who do I call?” He was thankful that Pastor Jon Wolf had come by earlier in January and mentioned something Mark hadn’t even thought about. “Jon was the one who said if you have some questions, need some guidance on the funeral service, we’re here,” Mark said. Receiving that advice allowed Mark to do something useful and for Marlene to participate.

Marlene lost her battle with cancer on February 2, 2015. Her memorial service was held at Holy Cross on February 7. Some of the people who came were ones who had been with them throughout these past two years, bringing medical supplies, meals, planting a garden, visiting, praying with them.

The girl Mark had met when he was just home from serving in Vietnam, who wore her hair a little ratted up, who was level-headed and fun, who had strong family roots, his wife of 43 years, now gone from his life. But not her memory. When Mark sees a red Chevrolet Cruze like the one she drove, he does a double take. And then there’s Marlene’s gift to Mark, a little dog named Norie.

“One of the good things Marlene did, when she was feeling well, was to say we have to go get a rescue dog,” Mark said. “She knew I was going to be by myself around the house.” Marlene found a dog on the Internet through LL Dog Rescue, a Yorkshire Terrier mix. They named the dog Norie, after Nori Aoki, the Kansas City Royals right-fielder at the time, who they liked because of his wild catches during the playoffs.

Norie

“She’s a cute little dog,” Mark said. “She bonded with Marlene, and would curl up with Marlene on the bed. Then when Marlene passed, she bonded with me. She’s been a great dog. Unconditional love. And when I see her, I think that’s the dog Marlene picked.”

Mark wanted to add an ending paragraph to this story. Here is what he has to say: “Before that, let me thank the pastors, staff and partners of Holy Cross for their help and attention. Thank you all. The initial prognosis was 12 months. Marlene made 28 months before she passed with 13 months being chemo free. She never lost hope. That is a blessing. During her time in home hospice I did pray that Jesus would relieve her pain and take her into His kingdom. She is in a better place. I miss her. I love her. My journey now is to do the right thing by God and friend so that one day I’ll see Marlene again.”