Janice Ryan - a second chance at parenting

Janice Ryan always knew she wanted to have kids and be a mom. But her path wasn’t traditional, and it certainly wasn’t easy.

She became a part-time stepmother upon marriage, but a divorce ended that relationship before it ever had a chance. Nor was she able to get pregnant while married. “So I decided to adopt someone,” she said. She took classes on becoming a foster parent, and was especially interested in finding a child who had been legally separated from its parents. She knew it would be difficult to form an attachment only to see the child leave.

Janice Ryan

It was through a Lutheran-affiliated foster agency that she met a boy named Jason, who had just turned 12. Jason had experienced neglect and abuse, and a cycle of being removed from his mother’s care only to be returned to her each time she decided her life was back on track. When Janice met him, he was with foster parents who had planned to adopt him. But then changes in their circumstances caused the adoption to fall through.

“Jason had lived through so much,” Janice said. “His parents weren’t married, so he lived with a single mom who had mental illness. He was in and out of the system when she tried to kill herself. He was covered with lice at one point.”

Jason was brought to Janice’s house one day for a visit. “We got along really well,” Janice said. “I asked him if he would like to live with me.” So Jason came to live with Janice as a foster child. Since it was April, Jason still needed to be in school, and Janice had only a few days to figure out the school system – how to get Jason enrolled, what supplies he needed, and the like. She asked him if he wanted to keep his last name or take hers, and he chose to keep his name.

The first year Jason lived with Janice was one of adjustments, but it was a good year and they continued to get along well. His adoption went through, and Janice was his new official mom. But then things changed. Jason began acting out at school. He got involved with drugs and alcohol. He stole a car. “I was totally lost,” Janice said. “Being a new parent was overwhelming enough, but even more so with these behavioral problems.”

Janice got called to the school continuously, then by the police. She tried putting Jason into an alternative education system, but it didn’t help. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had adopted him and she wasn’t giving up on him. “I had taken on the responsibility and that was that,” Janice said. “In spite of it all, he was a kid that needed help.” Eventually she turned to ToughLove, an organization that offered support for families in crisis, and was able to get through the next few years with their help.

But then Jason committed a robbery, and left stolen stereo equipment in Janice’s home. When the police came, they eventually found Jason hiding in her attic. He was sent to a correctional facility for juveniles in Larned, Kansas, where he got his GED. Once out of Larned, he tried enlisting in the Army, but that didn’t pan out. He was in and out of Janice’s life during this time, but then called her one night. “He was stranded at a hospital,” Janice said. “And he said, oh by the way, we had a baby.” Janice didn’t know his girlfriend, and soon Jason was off again, so she had no chance to get to know her grandson.

Our faith tells us that God redeems situations. For Janice, it came about in this way. She was having lunch one day with a girlfriend, and was talking about all that had happened with Jason, and that he had a son. By then, the little boy was about 4 years old. Upon hearing their names, Janice’s friend said she knew the baby’s mom and family. “Are you kidding me?” Janice recalled saying. “This is unbelievable.”

Finally, Janice would have the chance to meet her grandson, named Arlo. Jason brought him over to spend the night at Janice’s house, then took off without leaving her the mom’s contact information. “So Arlo spent the night but I didn’t know how to get him back,” Janice said. But eventually that day she made contact, and has since formed a friendship with Arlo, his mom and her family. As Jason continued to drift in and out of everyone’s lives, he tried to use Arlo as leverage against Janice. But Arlo’s mom reassured Janice. “I will never keep you from Arlo because he loves you,” Janice said she told her.

Janice and Arlo relaxing in the extreme heat at a water park

Now Janice gets to see Arlo a lot. He spends some weekends with her, and has come to church with her several times. If you’re ever at the 10:30 service, you might see Arlo sometime. He’s the little guy that likes to play air guitar while the praise band is playing.

While parenting didn’t work out well, grandparenting is wonderful for Janice. “With Jason, I thought that if he had a good environment he would be able to change,” she said. “It wasn’t that way. But Arlo is a blessing.”

All she wants for Arlo is that he grows up healthy and happy. “That little boy has so much love in his heart,” Janice said. “He’s just precious.”

He is also a sign of God’s redemption.