Janice Ryan - a second chance at parenting

Janice Ryan always knew she wanted to have kids and be a mom. But her path wasn’t traditional, and it certainly wasn’t easy.

She became a part-time stepmother upon marriage, but a divorce ended that relationship before it ever had a chance. Nor was she able to get pregnant while married. “So I decided to adopt someone,” she said. She took classes on becoming a foster parent, and was especially interested in finding a child who had been legally separated from its parents. She knew it would be difficult to form an attachment only to see the child leave.

Janice Ryan

It was through a Lutheran-affiliated foster agency that she met a boy named Jason, who had just turned 12. Jason had experienced neglect and abuse, and a cycle of being removed from his mother’s care only to be returned to her each time she decided her life was back on track. When Janice met him, he was with foster parents who had planned to adopt him. But then changes in their circumstances caused the adoption to fall through.

“Jason had lived through so much,” Janice said. “His parents weren’t married, so he lived with a single mom who had mental illness. He was in and out of the system when she tried to kill herself. He was covered with lice at one point.”

Jason was brought to Janice’s house one day for a visit. “We got along really well,” Janice said. “I asked him if he would like to live with me.” So Jason came to live with Janice as a foster child. Since it was April, Jason still needed to be in school, and Janice had only a few days to figure out the school system – how to get Jason enrolled, what supplies he needed, and the like. She asked him if he wanted to keep his last name or take hers, and he chose to keep his name.

The first year Jason lived with Janice was one of adjustments, but it was a good year and they continued to get along well. His adoption went through, and Janice was his new official mom. But then things changed. Jason began acting out at school. He got involved with drugs and alcohol. He stole a car. “I was totally lost,” Janice said. “Being a new parent was overwhelming enough, but even more so with these behavioral problems.”

Janice got called to the school continuously, then by the police. She tried putting Jason into an alternative education system, but it didn’t help. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had adopted him and she wasn’t giving up on him. “I had taken on the responsibility and that was that,” Janice said. “In spite of it all, he was a kid that needed help.” Eventually she turned to ToughLove, an organization that offered support for families in crisis, and was able to get through the next few years with their help.

But then Jason committed a robbery, and left stolen stereo equipment in Janice’s home. When the police came, they eventually found Jason hiding in her attic. He was sent to a correctional facility for juveniles in Larned, Kansas, where he got his GED. Once out of Larned, he tried enlisting in the Army, but that didn’t pan out. He was in and out of Janice’s life during this time, but then called her one night. “He was stranded at a hospital,” Janice said. “And he said, oh by the way, we had a baby.” Janice didn’t know his girlfriend, and soon Jason was off again, so she had no chance to get to know her grandson.

Our faith tells us that God redeems situations. For Janice, it came about in this way. She was having lunch one day with a girlfriend, and was talking about all that had happened with Jason, and that he had a son. By then, the little boy was about 4 years old. Upon hearing their names, Janice’s friend said she knew the baby’s mom and family. “Are you kidding me?” Janice recalled saying. “This is unbelievable.”

Finally, Janice would have the chance to meet her grandson, named Arlo. Jason brought him over to spend the night at Janice’s house, then took off without leaving her the mom’s contact information. “So Arlo spent the night but I didn’t know how to get him back,” Janice said. But eventually that day she made contact, and has since formed a friendship with Arlo, his mom and her family. As Jason continued to drift in and out of everyone’s lives, he tried to use Arlo as leverage against Janice. But Arlo’s mom reassured Janice. “I will never keep you from Arlo because he loves you,” Janice said she told her.

Janice and Arlo relaxing in the extreme heat at a water park

Now Janice gets to see Arlo a lot. He spends some weekends with her, and has come to church with her several times. If you’re ever at the 10:30 service, you might see Arlo sometime. He’s the little guy that likes to play air guitar while the praise band is playing.

While parenting didn’t work out well, grandparenting is wonderful for Janice. “With Jason, I thought that if he had a good environment he would be able to change,” she said. “It wasn’t that way. But Arlo is a blessing.”

All she wants for Arlo is that he grows up healthy and happy. “That little boy has so much love in his heart,” Janice said. “He’s just precious.”

He is also a sign of God’s redemption.

Elfrieda Crouch - working in Braille

Elfrieda Crouch is 92, and has only had one real hobby. She was a volunteer for Lutheran Braille Workers for 40 years. Her work ended about a year ago, only because the method of transcribing and creating Braille Bibles and devotional books is changing with new technology.

But then, change would be the norm in nine decades of living, right? Elfrieda was born in 1922, a year when numerous radio stations began transmitting, Stalin was appointed general secretary of the Communist Party, Babe Ruth signed a three-year contract with the Yankees for $52,000 a year, Benito Mussolini took control of Italy’s government, Hitler was briefly incarcerated for disturbing the peace, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19^th amendment and women’s right to vote, King Tut’s tomb was discovered, the creation of the USSR was formally proclaimed, and Warren Harding was the U.S. President.

Elfrieda’s life started out in a small Kansas town, near Manhattan. She had three sisters and seven brothers, and might have had even more siblings if her mom hadn’t died when she was 3. “I don’t remember her at all,” Elfrieda said. She was raised by her older sisters, with some assistance from her father, who was a carpenter.

Elfrieda Crouch, in foreground is a table her husband made

Elfrieda is a life-long Lutheran, Missouri Synod, and attended a Lutheran school until she became of high school age. Her early school memories aren’t necessarily pleasant, she said, since the minister of the church-run school practiced corporal punishment on a regular basis, usually with the classroom as his audience. (While the thought of a child being whipped might shock some people, it was commonplace at that time, and is still used today in places.) With high school came a new kind of freedom. “You didn’t have the catechism in front of you all the time,” she said.

She met her husband, Rex, at the Pla-Mor Ballroom, which was at Linwood and Main in Kansas City. It was part of a huge entertainment complex, and popular with people who liked to dance. They wed in 1946 and had been married almost 61 years when Rex died. Rex was a builder and a woodworker. He built the ranch home in the early 1960s that Elfrieda still lives in, and the home is filled with intricately carved clocks, wall décor and furniture that he made.

Partial Braille alphabet card

Elfrieda was a homemaker, taking care of the couple’s two sons, making sure meals were on the table, keeping track of busy schedules. She also was a regular church-goer, and it was at Zion Lutheran, which was then at 75^th and Belinder Road in Prairie Village, that she first heard of the Lutheran Braille Workers (LBW).

A representative of the organization had come to Zion to share information and seek volunteers. LBW, a ministry of the Lutheran-Missouri Synod, was founded in 1943. The organization utilized thousands of workers across the country to make Bibles and devotionals. Elfrieda signed up. “There were six of us,” she said. “It was an assembly line. I was at the tail end, binding papers into books.” Masters are made on zinc plates, with each page requiring its own plate. The plates are fitted on a press, then printed onto heavy paper. Books must be collated by hand or the raised dots will be smashed, making it unreadable.

Creating Braille publications by hand was labor intensive. “Each book was about 80 pages,” Elfrieda said. “It took about 10 minutes to do one book, and that’s if everybody was well and on their toes. We usually worked three to four hours.” 

Clock Elfrieda's husband made

While helping make the books was a calling and a ministry, it also led to much more. “Fellowship,” Elfrieda said. “We always had lots to talk about. And we would get together for a Christmas luncheon, things like that.”

Elfrieda said her husband was not a church-goer like she was. “I never pushed him,” she said. “If he didn’t want to go, then he didn’t want to go. But he is the one that picked out Holy Cross, though I don’t know why.” They were at Holy Cross less than two years when Rex died, but Elfrieda continues to worship there and in fact is there most Sundays.

Elfrieda is one of those people who you know right away has a zest for life. It’s not just in the way that she carries herself, or her markedly pretty skin, or her ready smile. She keeps busy with her five grandkids and two great-grandkids, and meets regularly with friends. “And I keep up with the news,” she said, catching up with world events each morning on the television.

So what is her secret to good health and a long life? After all, she has outlived all of her siblings, her husband and her oldest son. “I have no secrets to share,” Elfrieda said. “None at all. I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m not worried about it.”